"BAN THIS SICK FILTH!" - a review by Stew.

If you get the chance, check out 'Spun'. It's a film by Jonas Akerlund, (who directed mainly pop videos prior to this, most notably 'Smack My Bitch Up' for The Prodigy, most peculiarly 'Mi Julie' by Ali G & Shaggy, and most unfortunately a whole boatload of shit for Roxette), about crystal meth addicts. Having read a whole bunch of reviews of this flick saying it's an accurate portrayal of the lifestyle of the crystal meth addict, I feel I must be the first person to say that I actually don't know if it's an accurate portrayal of the lifestyle of the crystal meth addict whatsoever, never having been a crystal meth addict myself. I rather feel that the vast majority of the other reviewers wouldn't have a fucking clue either, but therein lies 'Spun's strength - much like 'Trainspotting', it's entertaining enough to titillate and amuse, but just sleazy enough to slightly put the more impressionable off the whole shebang in the long run. Put it like this - everybody in it looks really hot, but they eventually end up looking really sweaty too.

Nothing happens in the conventional Hollywood narrative sense, the movie being less a tightly plotted juggernaut, more a string of interconnected anecdotal scenes that lope along good-naturedly until a vague conclusion hoves into view - lead addict Jason Schwartzman, (the kid from 'Rushmore'), finally grabs some shut-eye after the three-day wide-awake meth-bender that covers the running time. Along the way, John Leguizamo wanks into a sock, Mena Suvari takes a shit, the kid from 'Almost Famous' gets shot in the balls, Brittany Murphy wears a series of particularly small White Trash outfits, Mickey Rourke smashes a Latino punk in the face with beer cans and buys porn, a poodle is dyed green, and, in a comedic tour de force, Alexis Arquette, (you'll know him when you see him), and Peter Stormare, (the bleach blonde psycho from 'Fargo'), play two sublimated homosexual junkie DEA officers being trailed by a 'COPS'-style camera crew.

The film is positively hilarious in its brutality, but please believe me - nothing happens. Like 'Boogie Nights', you just jump in the pool with these characters and wait and see. None of them turn into robots; none of them hold the secret codes to a bank vault full of gold bars; none of them is 'The One'. They just fidget and lie around and snort crystal meth, but, as God is my witness, watching them do just that is one of the most wildly entertaining experiences you'll have in the next six months.

Hey, I want that line on the fuckin' poster, man. See. I can do this proper critic stuff. Me and Paul Ross, baby, all the way. I can just see it now…